Kasara and me...

While at MMHS, I've met a wonderful girl named Kasara. I was her English and AVID teacher for every year since I've been at Mira Monte. This girl has touched me in so many ways. I usually don't blog about really personal stuff, however, today was an emotional day and brought back so many of emotions of my own high school experience I feel I have to let it out.

Around 1988, I was doing really good wanting to go to college and on a college prep track. I ran track and loved it so much. I worked really hard at it. Something happened and my parents lost faith in me or whatever you want to call it. As a result, I made some difficult life changes and changed my entire future. I decided my junior year that I would leave SW Va and go into the AF and never look back...and that is just what I did. I dropped out of college prep and did the minimum I had to get by. I figured in my young mind.. "why work hard when I'm not going to be effected by this." I made a decision that shaped the rest of my life. I don't regret my decision but over the years I've often wondered how that one fork in the road changed me eternally. At 17 you don't realize how much one decision can shape your future. This is the wisdom I try to instill in my students daily. One thing can change who you are forever.. for better, and for worse.

On to Kasara. I often joke that she is my mirror image at that age. I've taken an interest in her since she was young to make sure she stays on a college track and does what she needs to be successful. Last Friday, I had a rude awakening from a coworker that told me... "Anna it's her decision and you have to make sure that she makes it." He was right. I hate to say that he usually is when it comes to stuff like this, but like me he is one to take a personal interest in kids and help them. Her decision.. "Go away to college or stay in town and go" Like me she has some issues at home with untrusting parents when there is noting to worry about. I often wonder why it's so easy for me to trust my OWN kids to do the right thing and generally i'm laid back because I know they are going to make decisions because that is how I raised them. But when it's not your child, and you have mentored them, what do you?

What I want is for her to spread her wings and fly. To do all the things that she can to make herself happy. To not have any regrets in life. To never wonder what it would be like ... "IF"...

Things I pondered today because of my hour long conversation with Kasara:

1. To feel less than beautiful because someone else has made you feel that way is asinine.

2. Trusting yourself is hard.

3. It's not up to me to decide someone else's life.

4. Being a teacher is a blessing.

5. To be compared to someone else because of insecurity is the worst thing a person can feel.

6. For someone to tell you they are proud of you and really be proud of you is the best feeling and when the opposite is true it hurts like a mother fucker.

7. I don't love the way you lie.

8. The unexamined life is not worth living.

So baby girl, find your wings and don't let anyone clip them ever. East Bay is waiting for you if you want it. It's all up to you.

Ghetto v. Ghetto Fabulous

Ghetto- Screaming.. No white bitch I think it's my turn now!

Ghetto Fab- Rolling my eyes, flipping my hair and saying Whatever

Some "lady" cut me off at 7-11 today with her two kids in the car yelling at me all sorts of filthy things because I didn't move quickly enough for her. Her language was offensive and she really needs Jesus.

On the brighter side, one of my favorite students brought me a cup cake.

Testing is stupid. Glad that mess is over. I wouldn't mind testing my own kids because at least they aren't freshman and they don't cop an attitude with me. Every day I called the Dean... I never do that. I like to handle business "in house" but when it comes to the disruption of state testing and all of our asses on the line, I like to make sure all students get the optimal amount of time to do their thang! :) Bite me if you don't like it.

I don't have much else to blog on. :)

Topics of choice would be nice so suggest some please.

Mobile Bloggers & Coaches matter.

I find it complicated and I'm not ready to commit to mobile blogging just yet. :)

Anyway,

I was catching an Arnaldo Cueto update last night where he arrived home late at 2:30. Your efforts are worth it even though you are dog tired. Some of my best memories of high school is track season. Being on the bus, going to away meets, competing, and just that over all feeling of being part of something was awesome.

My coach was not nearly as kind as some of the coaches I come in contact with on a daily basis. I remember him yelling at us to "Hit the FUCKING board" "Are you fucking kidding me? You scratched" I guess it was a different time then. None the less, I learned from these coaches as well. I guess it takes all different kind of motivators out there.

Point is: you are creating memories for these kids that have a lasting effect. You may never see your hard work pay off but know that it does in the lives of the kids you touch. Be encouraged because coaches matter to kids.

Country Music, AVID Certification, and Friends.

Well, I'm going back to my roots. My son picked me up from work today and he was rocking the beats and I enjoyed it so much I think i'll change up my iPod for a while! :)

Currently enjoying:

The Bluest Eyes in Texas: Restless Heart

No me juzcas y no me digas nada :)

I did not have the pleasure of dining with my peeps today because I went to the KCSOS building and worked on putting together AVID materials for certification. I went to Chipotle with Steven Malhmann and we had a great conversation about naked burritos, baseball, and church. He is probably the sweetest guy in the world. So polite and kind to all. After that we met Lonnie and Michelle and worked pretty hard on getting everything together. Out of all of us Steven never complained. That is impressive because there was a lot to complain about.

I realized I have so much to do for AVID before certification. I have to make sure that everyone is certified on tutoring and it really sucks because we don't have cross age tutors at school and there has been a plan to get them in place for about 3 years now to no avail. Oh well.

I think the AVID crew brings out my inner nerd and I need more of that in my life. Love you all.

:) Keep it greasy and love!

Anna

Anna in the Dark

The Anti-Hero

I'm sitting here listening to Dexter in the Dark and considering the implication of vigilantism. If you guys know me you know how much I love Dexter and anything that deals with the anti-hero. I think that is why I love the Watchman and Rorschach.

"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...and I'll look down, and whisper "No."

Consider, a world where we let those with a strong sense of justice than our own run it. What would this look like? Why is it that fiction always gets it right but reality gets it wrong. Higher ideals sometimes are just that ...an abstract that can never be aspired to. Probably why I enjoy fiction more than real life most of time.

Like Dexter, I think we all have a dark passenger in us. Someone who cries out for justice but we don't act like upon our dark desire. These anti-heros lack emotion or sympathy for man kind and that is where I can't relate to them. It is fun to fantasize about what it would be like to run around in tights or avenge those who have wronged us, but emotion keeps us from it...which is a good thing.

"The backyard barbecue, it's a holdover from the last Ice Age when food was scarce and men had to work together to take down a large beast. Those who worked well with others survived and their genes have been passed down through the centuries until they landed here, in this... my community."

Often times the anti-hero gives us something that we yearn for: imperfection reflected. We humans know we aren't perfect and we see it in these characters. Unlike Superman, the anti-hero gives us hope that we can make a difference in the lives of others without being what society respects or even worships. No one would ever want to be like these characters in real life, but our desire to make a difference in the lives of others can be realized in these characters. I think teachers reflect this perfectly.

1. Teachers see the potential in their students they often don't. Rorschach wants to help the human race even though they are too ignorant to know they need help.
2. Teachers care for children but often have a hard time dealing with adults. This is Dexter to a T. He cares for his children, but has no sympathy for adults and their perversions.

So the next time you pick up a book on an antihero, try to imagine yourself in the midst of it. How would you respond as that character? Do you have the same inner desires? I know that with Dexter and Rorschach, I feel a kinship and an inner need to help others, but what I don't share is their lack of emotion for others. :) Happy Reading Ya'll.

The Arnaldo Cueto Blog Spot

Cueto is someone I look up to for a few different reasons.

1st being he is pretty much a bad ass and never brags about it.

2nd he makes me laugh with all his randomness.

3rd. Tide pens are pretty cool.

4th He works hard for our kids

These are the main ones but there are plenty more. Cueto this blog's for you friend! Thank you for all you do!!! :)))

Love,

Knight

Reading other's blogs

I so enjoy reading my friend's blogs. I really don't care that much about reading someone's blog i've never met. I really have no investment in them. However when I read the blog of a fellow co-worker, I can hear their voice, it makes me smile and realize why this person is a part of my life. I hope more people start blogging.

I have a few requests tho:

1: Keep it real always... A friend of mine recently put on her blog that people don't like to read negativity. Honestly, I would rather read realness than Suzie Sunshine all the time. Life is crappy sometimes and I know the best way to vent is write it down. I think that is when I do my best writing. I really like to hear all of a person and not just some what of they say. So hey girl.. keep it real.. it's why we love you! :)

2. Keep the pictures coming! and Videos :) They make it pop.

That's about it.

Three new tee vee things I love...

1. Shameless.

2. Big Love season finale

3. The freaking Celebrity Apprentice ?

Don't ask about number 3.. I just found myself enthralled in it last night and couldn't stop watching it. Probably because it was related to children's books :)

A list of all the books I've read this year:

Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

In Cold Blood

Water for Elephants

Jane Eyre

Sense and Sensibility

Eating the Dinosaur

Bad things Happen

Dead and Gone

Dead in the Family

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

The Handmaid's Tale

I am Legend

Hunger Games

Devils of Bakersfield ---cool title crappy book

Enders Game

Catching Fire

Mockingjay

and i'm currently reading Money: A Suicide Note-- Not to into it.. may have to skip.

I am a machine. I don't really have a goal this year. Just enjoying my new passion.

Peace ya'll :) Keep it greasy.